Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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