Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize