Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
