I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
