Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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