Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
