Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Even the bartender felt bad for me
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
