My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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