you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Randomize
