Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
