I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
