I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
