who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
