last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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