I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
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