It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
