Just mADE A PArabola og urine
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
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