I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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