I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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