I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
