btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
