he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
She's the barista slut.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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