nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
