The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
