Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Randomize
