It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Come on in and take your pants off
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