If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
