it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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