There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
