No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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