did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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