bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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