Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
