we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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