it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
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