Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
we made out on top of his cat.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
