She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Randomize