Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
