just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
