its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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