I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
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