I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
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