I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
