Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
