i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize