if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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