Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Randomize
