i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
As shirtless as possible
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
