I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize