Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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