Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
