its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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