never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I have feelings that need drinking.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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