you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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