Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize