we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
