who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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