just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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