Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
