I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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