on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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