I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
