How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
