Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Come see our sink grown plant.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
