well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
