I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
