there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
bring money and cleavage
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize