Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
