I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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