Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
