Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize