Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I think people are normalizing furries
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
